We all hope to rise to the challenges of life when they appear.
We read and share inspirational stories of people who in the midst of overwhelming odds had the courage to persist and therefore achieve the improbable. Yet, at the same time we are being consciously and subconsciously retrained to shy away from opportunities where failure is possible. We say we are only being pragmatic, but the truth is we are acting out of fear that we might be exposed as lacking. We prefer to remain unchallenged, partake in the same activities, and avoid the risk of ever being discovered as less than.
It is a sadly dishonest, yet overwhelmingly popular approach to life. For absent struggle and challenge, personal growth is a near impossible process. It is only when we actively choose to look life in the eye that we can experience all its richness.
“Take a good look at me, God, my God;
I want to look life in the eye,
So no enemy can get the best of me
or laugh when I fall on my face. ”
The author of the Psalm captures our sentiment in his desire to stand tall amidst the challenges life presents. Echoes of “The Man in the Arena” and similar narratives play in our minds. The call to action is stirring. Yet, while we seek growth and inherently understand that strife is required, our goal is often to eliminate strife in our everyday life. A contradiction stems from our comfort-obsessed society.
Carol Dweck, in Mindset, outlines her perspective regarding these varied approaches to life. She bins people into those with a ‘growth’ or development focused mindset and those with a ‘fixed’ mindset who believe their capabilities are already decided. While at times damning, it does offer the hope that we can re-select our approach.
“Why waste time proving over and over how great you are, when you could be getting better? Why hide deficiencies instead of overcoming them? Why look for friends or partners who will just shore up your self-esteem instead of ones who will also challenge you to grow? And why seek out the tried and true, instead of experiences that will stretch you? The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive during some of the most challenging times in their lives.”
Comfort is fleeting and will never produce the fulfillment we inherently long for. We must instead choose to embrace and even seek out the challenges and difficulties of operating in the liminal space. In doing so we might just actualize the true richness of our potential.