We are layered people.
On the surface we provide a persona we are comfortable with the rest of the world knowing. A layer deeper you’ll find some guarded thoughts and actions we’ve only expressed to a select group. Finally, at our core (which we rarely fully display) are still more guarded insecurities, thoughts, and actions.
The truth I’ve come to is we all hide things.
Some are innocent indulgences like the last cookie, while others are more serious. We hide things because what they would reveal about us (selfishness, greed, insecurity, etc.) are characteristics we do not want advertised.
This tendency to conceal our connection with the adverse isn’t trained, but innate; I witness them in our toddler. When she is doing something she isn’t supposed to, she hides or better yet simply covers her eyes. How poetic. There is something in us that knows we don’t want to be recognized for our bad behavior; so we avoid others, avert our eyes, and are ultimately ashamed.
This isn’t modern, but an ancient characteristic that has followed human-kind from the beginning (remember Adam and Eve hiding in the garden post sin?). And we see it play out again in the story of Jesus disciple, Judas:
“Leaving the others, he conferred with the high priests and the Temple guards about how he might betray Jesus to them. They couldn’t believe their good luck and agreed to pay him well. He gave them his word and started looking for a way to betray Jesus, but out of sight of the crowd.”
Judas first leaves the others because community is incredibly important to us. We rely on community for social experiences, but also to bolster our weak selves. Alone we can be feeble, but together we are strong. Community brings with it established acceptable behaviors and accountability that aid us in discerning what our own minds can sometimes render nebulous.
Because the sad truth is the things we try so hard to hide will one day be revealed in public, or revealed in ourselves. Those around us may not recognize what is eating at us, but they will have trouble recognizing us.
“As gas-light is found to be the best nocturnal police, so the universe protects itself by pitiless publicity.”
Judas is remembered exclusively for something he did in secret: betraying Jesus. His time in Jesus’ inner circle as a disciple is almost wholly dismissed. What are you going to be remembered for? And if it was something you currently do in secret, would you want it to be? Instead of leaving the others, maybe it is time to lean in.