Aloha and good morning wherever you may find yourself this weekend. Today we change course and begin a study of the book of James.
When was the last time you got in an argument with someone? Was your focus on truly understanding their concerns and point of view, or winning? I know I can be guilty of listening just long enough to generate a good rebuttal. What if we could instead engage in intelligent debate with those we care for, keeping in mind an end state of greater wisdom and perspective for all parties? How do we get from where we are now to there? James posits an age old methodology we will look at with fresh eyes:
“Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. God’s righteousness doesn’t grow from human anger.”
Listen: That is the secret James provides. My first instinct is not to stop and listen, my default mode is to 'do'. This past week my wife and I constructed a piece of furniture that came in the mail. She read aloud the instructions and I listened, well I listened long enough to get the just, and then ran with it. But as any of us who have pieced together furniture from a box can attest to, that wasn't the most effective strategy (Turns out R6 and R7 are less interchangeable than I would have hoped.) My assumptions and ignorance resulted in faulty work that had to be redone.
I submit that it is much the same in our relationships and conversations. When we assume people or their positions are one way just because something else was, we either win the lottery or more often leave the other party feeling misunderstood. Human beings and their opinions are complex and unique, not unlike a BJÖRKSNÄS, and to truly seek to understand them is to express your care. The way we get to that understanding is by simply exercising our restraint and humility to patiently listen.
Our practical application is simple but the practice is one I find wholly challenging: Listen, not just to some, but all if you truly care for the other person. In doing so we can hope to truly understand each other and grow in both our perspective and love.
Have a great week, be sure to share with a friend, and like/leave a comment.
-the contrary disciple